{"id":13771,"date":"2021-11-08T20:08:40","date_gmt":"2021-11-09T04:08:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.orthodoxytoday.org\/blog\/?p=13771"},"modified":"2021-11-16T20:19:06","modified_gmt":"2021-11-17T04:19:06","slug":"ten-things-to-say-when-children-say-they-dont-believe-in-god-anymore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.orthodoxytoday.org\/blog\/2021\/11\/ten-things-to-say-when-children-say-they-dont-believe-in-god-anymore\/","title":{"rendered":"Ten Things to Say When Children Say They Don’t Believe in God Anymore"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Thingsby Natasha Crain –
\nI always enjoy talking to parents after speaking and this weekend was no exception. One thing I realized this time was that at every event where I\u2019ve spoken in the last couple of years, there have been parents who share with me afterward that their child has recently said they no longer believe in God. Sometimes the kids are very young, other times they\u2019re well into their adult years. But the question parents bring to me is always the same: \u201cWhat should I say to them?\u201d<\/p>\n

After having a couple of long conversations with parents about this over the weekend, I wanted to write this post for others who may be struggling with the same thing. While this is, of course, a complex topic, these are ten of the most important things I think you can say to a child of any age<\/em> when they say they don\u2019t believe in God anymore. For what it\u2019s worth, this isn\u2019t some kind of theoretical exercise for me. One of my own young kids periodically struggles with this because God can\u2019t be physically seen. We have several of these conversations regularly.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cThank you for sharing this with me.\u201d<\/strong>
\nThere\u2019s no doubt it sends panic into a Christian parent\u2019s heart to hear the words, \u201cI don\u2019t believe in God anymore\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0not sure<\/em>\u00a0if I believe in God anymore.\u201d But how we respond to our child at a time of spiritual crisis (whether they consider it a crisis or not) is critical. If our reaction is fearful, angry, panicked or condemning, we quickly let our kids know that expressing their doubts is not OK. As parents, we need to be the safest place in our children\u2019s lives to have conversations about God or they\u2019ll find another place to go\u2014likely a place where you wouldn\u2019t want to find them.<\/p>\n

Simply saying, \u201cThank you for sharing this with me\u201d lets them know you are\u00a0happy<\/em>\u00a0they came to you, that you\u00a0want\u00a0<\/em>to talk with them about their feelings, and that expressing doubt in your home is\u00a0welcome<\/em>. To be clear, that doesn\u2019t imply you\u2019re happy about the doubt itself, but that you\u2019re happy to be a safe place for these conversations.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cHow have you come to that conclusion?\u201d<\/strong>
\nBecause we love our kids so much and want to quickly bring them back to truth, there\u2019s a temptation to immediately start offering a response with reasons to believe in God. But imagine for a moment that you go to the doctor when you don\u2019t feel well and the doctor starts prescribing medicine for a wide range of illnesses without first asking you questions or running tests. That, of course, would be crazy. In the same way, if we don\u2019t know the source of our kids\u2019 doubts and how they\u2019ve come to their conclusions about God, we can\u2019t have meaningful conversations to specifically address their concerns. Use this question to get the conversation going and ask as many follow up questions as needed to be confident that you truly understand what has led them to doubt God\u2019s existence.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cHow long have you felt this way?\u201d<\/strong>
\nThis is a helpful diagnostic question because it lets you know the depth of the doubt. In some cases, doubt comes as a knee jerk reaction to a specific event\u2014for example, experiencing an unanswered prayer. When there is a single, proximate source of doubt, it can be easier to untangle because you can address that concern directly. However, if it turns out your child has been doubting for years and you simply didn\u2019t know until the day he or she verbalized it, there\u2019s much more history you\u2019ll need to dig into.<\/p>\n

4. \u201cIf I could give you good evidence to show that God exists, would you\u00a0want\u00a0<\/em>to be convinced He exists?\u201d<\/strong>
\nThis is another helpful diagnostic question because it gives you a window into the heart of your child. Sometimes doubt comes from not\u00a0wanting\u00a0<\/em>to believe\u2014and the reasons for not wanting to believe in God can be many. If a child says they wouldn\u2019t want God to exist, it\u2019s likely a sign that either 1) they have a misunderstanding of who God is (and wouldn\u2019t want\u00a0that\u00a0<\/em>God to exist), or 2) are engaged in behaviors they know aren\u2019t godly and would rather live according to their own will. If a child admits that they wouldn\u2019t want God to exist, the most important conversation you can have is getting to the bottom of\u00a0why\u00a0<\/em>that\u2019s the case. Only then will you know where to take the discussion next.<\/p>\n

For those who\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0want God to exist but are doubting, go on to the next pieces of conversation.<\/p>\n

5. \u201cHaving doubt is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.\u201d<\/strong>
\nOne of the most difficult aspects of having doubt about our faith is feeling that we\u2019re somehow abnormal\u2014that if we experience doubt, we\u2019re not a \u201creal\u201d Christian. But doubt is actually a normal part of faith. When we don\u2019t have certainty about something, there is\u00a0always<\/em>\u00a0room for doubt. For example, we can be confident that an airplane will safely deliver us to our destination, but we can\u2019t be certain of that, so some doubt should necessarily exist. Even\u00a0John the Baptist\u00a0<\/em>experienced doubt about Jesus being the Messiah when circumstances got tough and he was in prison (see Luke 7:18-30).<\/p>\n

Sharing with your child that doubt is normal can put them at ease for further conversation. Rather than feeling something is wrong with them (or wrong with God!) because they\u2019re doubting, they can feel hopeful that the doubt can be resolved.<\/p>\n

6. \u201cFortunately, God hasn\u2019t left us to just guess whether or not He\u2019s there. He\u2019s given us plenty of evidence.\u201d<\/strong>
\nIf you haven\u2019t had some deeper conversations of faith with your kids, there\u2019s a good chance they\u2019ve never heard the idea that there could actually be evidence for His existence. In the minds of many kids (and adults), believing in God is simply a blind choice\u2014not something that is rooted in tangible evidence.\u00a0Kids have to know this is not the case.\u00a0<\/em>Emphasize that\u00a0they<\/em>\u00a0may not yet know the evidence, but that it exists and you want to lead them through it. This simultaneously takes the pressure off of them to make a decision about God they may have thought was rooted only in their own feelings\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0sets you up to suggest the following point.<\/p>\n

7. \u201cLet\u2019s study the evidence for God\u2019s existence together.\u201d<\/strong>
\nIf you read the last point and thought, \u201cThat\u2019s great, but I have no idea what to say\u2026\u201d have no fear. You don\u2019t have to be a professional apologist (someone who knows how to make a case for and defend the truth of Christianity) to have this conversation. More than a lecture, kids need you to come\u00a0alongside<\/em>\u00a0them.<\/p>\n

There is an incredible new resource out this month to help you and your kids learn together. J. Warner Wallace and his wife Susie have released\u00a0God\u2019s Crime Scene for Kids<\/a><\/em>, which is a book targeted at kids ages 8-12 and follows the topics of the adult book\u00a0God\u2019s Crime Scene<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em>In the kids\u2019 version, the Wallaces use a mystery around a box found in a grandmother\u2019s attic to demonstrate how we can look at the evidence in the universe to draw conclusions about the existence of God. It\u2019s engaging, clear, and unlike anything else available for this age group.\u00a0There\u2019s even a website with free videos and worksheets<\/a>.<\/p>\n

For what it\u2019s worth, I had the opportunity to endorse it, which I enthusiastically did. Here\u2019s what I said: \u201cGod\u2019s Crime Scene<\/em>\u00a0is my go-to recommendation for anyone who wants to learn about the evidence for God\u2019s existence. I was thrilled to hear that a kid\u2019s version was coming out, but honestly wondered how Det. Wallace was going to translate some of the more challenging scientific and philosophical concepts into material for 8- to 12-year-olds. Now that I\u2019ve read it, I\u2019m blown away. This is brilliant! There\u2019s nothing else like it, and I\u2019ll be recommending it for years to come.\u201d<\/p>\n

If your kids are younger, the kids\u2019 version would still be helpful for\u00a0you\u00a0<\/em>to read and get ideas for how to talk about the evidence at your kids\u2019 level. If your kids are older, they may already be ready to work through the adult version with you. If your kids are out of the house, they may not be willing to study anything together, but\u00a0you\u00a0<\/em>can study and discuss with them as the opportunity arises.<\/p>\n

8. \u201cIf God didn\u2019t exist, this is what reality would look like.\u201d<\/strong>
\nIn my experience with skeptics who have come to my blog over the years, many have dumped the idea of God without considering the necessary worldview implications of a world without Him\u2014many of which run very contrary to our most basic intuitions. This led me to devote the final six chapters in\u00a0Talking with Your Kids about God<\/a><\/em>\u00a0to helping parents show their kids \u201cThe Difference God Makes.\u201d For example:<\/p>\n